Dear Daddy . . .

I’ve been watching you and mommy for a while now, sitting on my cloud in heaven. Even when I play with the other angels, I keep an eye out. Father said I am allowed to watch how you’re doing.

I know that you and mommy are longing and waiting for me to be delivered to you, but don’t despair – the time will come. I know that sometimes you chastise yourself for waiting so long before trying, but you don’t have to do that anymore. It’s all right, I don’t mind waiting.

Since Father pointed you out to me as my future prospective daddy and mommy, I’ve been keeping an eye out on you both and I’m happy. I am going to have the most wonderful parents in the whole wide world.

I see the way you and mommy look at each other with soft eyes. I see the way you always hold hands no matter where you are – and even when sleeping, you touch each other. I see the way you put your hand on mommy while she’s sleeping restlessly and she calms down. I see how mommy rubs your sore muscles to make you feel better. I love how you always drown in each other’s eyes and even from a distance, you make a connection.

I notice how mommy keeps you out of stressful situations – to make it better for you. I love how you help mommy in the kitchen and wake up early with her to pack your food for the day. How you share tasks and go shopping together. I love how mommy indulges your tool-fetish and lets you hang around BW for more time than she actually cares to spend there – even if you do not buy or need any new tools.

I adore you for spending time with OH – he is old and will not be with you forever. Being the son that he always wanted, and giving him the chance to be a replacement dad for you – having lost yours so early. I appreciate your indulgence of letting mommy go on shopping sprees with grandma and humouring her strange behaviour. She’s getting old too, you know? And she’ll be the only grandparent I will have – to spoil me by buying me clothes, and toys and ice cream. I lurv ice cream!

I know that sometimes you both feel that it’s unfair that other baby angels are born to parents that are not able to look after them. And I know that you know that it’s not your place or right to question that. BUT I know that I’ll be welcomed into a loving relationship, with the chance to become what I need or want to – with all your support and love.

I know that you’re afraid to repeat the missed opportunities that you did not have growing up. And that you’d wish better for your child. And it will be all right, it’s ok. It will be fine. I will have everything I need and will be exposed to lots of interesting things. And you will do your best for me and I will do my best for you.

Oops, almost missed dinner time! And we’re having dream-flavoured ice cream for dessert! Njammies! I’ll save you some, ok?

There’s so much more that I wanted to tell you, but it will have to wait for another letter.

Have faith and love, always.

NicoMia 

When the next better thing comes along . . .

Why do people stay in an unhappy, loveless relationship/marriage instead of just walking out? Is the thought of being alone that frightening? Is the thought of ALONE that scary? Isn’t it better to be on your own than unhappy? Or isn’t is just THAT unhappy?

Why do they wait for the next better thing to come along before they leave? Or do they only then realise how bad it’s been?

And what stops them from doing the same when the next better thing comes along? And the one after that? And the one after . . .

(I’m not talking about physical abuse relationships.)

Just a thought . . .

Krista

Happy birthday dear mother . . .

♫♪. . . happy birthday to yoooouuuuuuuuu . . . ♪♫

K’baai Marattie . . .

Maart 1992 – Mei 2009

Vir nou is dit al.

Sag slapies Marattie.

Dankie MaGrietha . . .

Grietha Maré – Gebore 12 Mei 1949 – Oorlede 17 Maart 2000

Op hierdie dag, 60 jaar gelede, is ‘n dogtertjie gebore. Wat later vrou sou word en op haar beurt, ook ‘n seuntjie sou hê.

Dankie MaGrietha, vir die seun wat jy gehad het en groot gemaak het. Die seun wat my grootste skat op aarde sou word. Die middelpunt waarom my sterrestelsel draai. My begin en einde.

Ons onthou . . .

Krista

A day to my mother . . .

Seeing as I’m in Clarens on Mother’s day, this thought to my mudder . . .

Unsaid
Author: Unknown

Somehow we always say the least
to those we love the best
And hope our thoughts
are understood.
Although they’re unexpressed -
That’s why it means
so very much,
when days like this are here
To say how very much
you’re loved
each day throughout the year.
Happy Mother’s Day

Krista

Thankful Thursday . . .

What are you bringing to the relationship-table? Love? Yeah, fine, good start. What else?

It always seemed that love was the alpha and omega of everything. I’m sure it starts with love (or lust in some cases), but it needs to move on from there – grow into something else.

To be in a successful relationship (being wife, husband, mother, child, father, whatever) I feel that love alone is not enough to ensure the continuation of a growing commitment.

I’m talking about caring, compassion, empathy, concern, spoiling, patience, understanding, commitment, faithfulness, trust . . . (you are allowed to add yours here.)

Love alone is not the magical word that will carry the heavy load of “being together”. The funny thing is that when you bring/give all the other necessities as mentioned above, it makes Love stronger. It makes it more. It makes it special.

This is then it for my Thankful Thursday. I am extremely grateful for my husband and the relationship we have. He makes me want to bring more to lay at his feet. He makes me want to be a better person. I want to bring more for/to him.

(And as all of us have this “feeding”-need (as in: but I did this and that and what did you do?) and wants our relationship-bunnies to be fed as well, I know that he will do his best to bring more to me and “feed” me).

Krista

I’m OK . . .

Well, weekend’s past and the visit/braai was great!

I did not need to fret so much before. W is now 12 weeks pregnant and glowing. She looks beautiful!

I’m ok. I think I really am OK. Cool!

(Last week though, I saw a woman in a shop looking soooooo beautifully pregnant – so completely pregnant – and I had the urge (for only one split-nanosecond) to grab her by her hair and bump her head against the ground a few timesies. Luckily 5 seconds later it seems like the feeling never cropped up in me and I was OK.) I do not know where this comes from as I am completely against violence and are one of the calmest people I know!

Krista

Random baby ramblings . . .

In two weeks’ time, I will be visiting with ex-colleagues of mine. I left the company in 1999 after eight years of service, but we’ve managed to get together about three times a year since then – just keeping track and have little tea parties filled with “remember when . . . “

With the last visit late last year, W (recently married) told us they’re trying for a baby and hope they’ll be successful soon. She got married late in life to a charming, funny guy who seems to be the perfect match for her and he complements her personality beautifully.

Our next reunion is planned for a Saturday afternoon in two week’s time. The news: she’s 10 weeks pregnant! (I guess you could have guessed this, no?)

And although I’m glad for them, I’m a little sad as well. At every meet, they ask me when I’m going to make a plan, don’t I want a baby, are we planning to have one, don’t I want to be a mother?

And I’m just a little bit afraid that the rest will put a damper on their joy because I’m there. Should I stay away? But I really want to see them as one of the older couples are moving down to the Cape in the first week of May and this will be sort of a farewell party for them.

And I know that I’ll be really, really happy for W and I’ll make jokes and I’ll smile and I’ll take a teddy for the little peanut-to-be, but I’m a little sad as well.

Do I want someone to give me a baby? YES. NO. I don’t know.

Do I want a baby? YES.

Do I want to adopt? NO. I want to experience a little life growing in me for myself if at all possible.

Am I full of shit? YES. NO. Probably.

Am I babbling? YES. Because I’m a little nervous.

Do I HAVE to have a baby? Now, I don’t think so. Later, maybe. I don’t know.

What I know is this: I will go. I am truly happy for them. I am a little bit sad – only a little bit, but still. I’ll smile. I’ll joke. I’ll know.

And I’m not THAT sad, just a little twinge . . .

Krista

Coded genes: W&B

All females are born with the W & B genes coded into their system. There’s nothing they (us) can do about it: it’s there, we’re born with it and it can’t be removed.

(Almost) All females have 2 coded dreams that shadow their minds whilst growing up: The Wedding & The Baby. They HAVE to have THE WEDDING and THE BABY – hopefully, but not necessarily, in that order.

Most little girls dream about the day they become THE WIFE – the dress, flowers, guest list, cake, bride’s maids, rings, reception, gifts, honey moon. They collect pictures, examples, samples, books and other paraphernalia all related to that one day in the future that they will be truly WOMAN.

I guess I missed out big time. At the end of January 2005 whilst talking about the cost, guest list and logistics about a possible wedding later in August that year, I looked at hubby and let slip: Why don’t we get married on Valentine’s Day? In two week’s time, this coming Valentine’s day. I guess he thought I was making a joke and said: OK. (I was silently terrified, but kept my calm – the whole wedding logistical planning was beginning to look like a nightmare and I wasn’t up for it).

To make a short story shorter, we got married on Valentine’s Day 2005. I hope the joke that he thought I was making, does not feel like it backfired on him. So I missed the wedding that was coded in my genes – it still comes back once in a while and knocks me one on the head, but apart from the fuckup with the dress, I have no regrets. I would have done it differently if I could go back now – we still would have gotten married that day, I just would’ve changed the order of things (and the dress of course!).

The second DNA-coded instruction mostly all women are issued with is THE BABY so that they then become the MOTHER (one more being to boss around then?). Some women got screwed up wiring instructions that backfires with the raising and caring for of said baby, but most seem to do ok – rather not have one if you’re going to fuck it up, no? Guess what? Yeah, I’m still missing out on that one.

So although I’m only wife (no WEDDING and no BABY) to some, I know that I’ll always be friend, lover, companion, joker, mate, believer and supporter to my hubby. And I know that should it turn out that we won’t have a baby ever, I’ll be ok with that. I’m doing (or trying my best to do) and being for my mate what I was placed here to do.

And I still have enough heart-space and broad shoulders for those who would like to be FRIEND.

Krista